Just a comment...

Words are powerful, and they can be powerful triggers for my husband's PTSD symptoms. I learned this once again the other day when he was looking at a package of frozen hashbrowns. There was a recipe for cheesey potato casserole (or something like that) on the back of the package. He was telling me all the ingredients and how this recipe sounded so delicious.

Little did I know that my words in the next few seconds would ignite an hour-long lecture, elevate his blood pressure, cause steam to emit from his ears and set the harsh and edgy tone for the rest of the day.

All I said was, "Oh! That sounds like the recipe for funeral potatoes..." I couldn't even finish my innocent thought before he went off! I just made a simple comment. Instantaneous trigger! He yelled, "Why do you always have to bring up dead people? You're always talking about funerals!" Then he continued for at least an hour about how I ruin all foods by bringing up death or something most people find disgusting.

In my defense, I don't always and I don't ruin everything. Funeral potatoes is a dish often brought to grieving families because they are easy to heat and eat and they are meant to serve a lot of people. I hadn't even heard of any other name for this dish before the other day. In fact, one can google "funeral potatoes" and several recipe sites are listed. I totally missed it--I had no clue that my referring to the recipe as funeral potatoes would yield that kind of overreaction! DUH! How could I have missed that one?

The more my husband thought yelled about it, the angrier he became. I had to walk away and remove myself from the situation. I was getting angry too, and he gave me no opportunity to defend myself or try and talk him down. I left.

What can you do when your beloved is making an innocent comment a matter of life and death national security? ( Don't want to mention the "death" word!)I can laugh at the situation now because it's over, but I'll be careful not to laugh about this in my husband's presence. Oh, and I'll be more cautious and selective about which of my powerful words I speak when he's around.

Good Days...

Recently, my friends and I were sharing stories of our many trials and how we managed to not only survive the muck and mire, but also thrive on the other side. I remembered the difficult times just before my husband's diagnosis and subsequent medical retirement from the military. That was definitely a muddy time in our life.

So many, many times it would have been easier to just give up and leave the marriage and everything we had established together. (Life was that trying at the time.) However, if I had elected to leave when we were in the middle of the muck and mire, I would have only remembered the bad times and how hard it was and the negatives. I wouldn't have had the chance to see the other side and reap the results.

Sure, there are still difficult times in our life as we cope with PTSD and multiple TBIs. I'm not going to pretend there aren't, but I will tell you there are good days too.

If you are in the middle of the puddle and above your kneecaps in mud, let me encourage you to hang on. Wade through the mud and persevere. One day you'll look back and wonder how you made it through, but you'll be glad you stayed the course. You'll be stronger for your struggle and able to encourage others.

Blessings to you all,
the PTSD Widow