My boys and I just spent our first Thanksgiving without my husband since his retirement from the service. This time he is not overseas or on some extended deployment, he is in the regional veteran's hospital. Our circumstances this year allowed me to recall the tremendous amount of flexibility we acquired during my husband's military career. I was thankful.
Thankful that my husband will recover and be home before Christmas...
Thankful that I do not have to spend sleepless nights wondering about the fighting overseas...
Thankful I won't be awakened by an early morning call for a urinalysis...
Thankful some higher-ranking NCO will not knock on my door to come inspect my house to make sure my children have a bed to sleep in...
Thankful for the benefits that we enjoy because of my husband's (and the family's) years of not being together for birthdays, anniversaries, and other important events...
Thankful for the many people we were privileged enough to call friends...
Thankful for all the joyous reunions...
Thankful for the different cultures we were privileged to enjoy...
Thankful for the high points and the low points...
My prayers are for those men and women who are lonely this season--May you find something to be thankful for and in that thankfulness find a splash of joy.
Blessings to you all,
the PTSD Widow
Monday, November 30, 2009
PTSD Widow
In all fairness, I must confess my husband is still breathing. He still moves, breathes, and communicates with his family on occasion. However, it feels as if he died. The man I married died a long time ago while serving in the U.S. Army. My husband suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (among other things), and at times I feel like I'm a widow already.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has redefined normalcy for my family. The fact is, we don't even remember what "normal" is supposed to feel or look like. On any given day, our twin boys are working hard to try to do their best to please their daddy. They rarely earn a smile or a word of praise. Often they will hear how they could have worked more efficiently or done something differently--only to them the words are not constructive. The words are cutting and often yelled in harsh tones. Needless to say, my thirteen-year-olds are learning that this is the way to talk to people. (I'm beginning to believe they have developed Secondary PTSD.) It's very hard to teach my children "normal" social behaviors when they do not have true examples at home.
The purpose of this blog is not so I can vent and explain how terrible my life is--because it's not all terrible. The purpose of this blog is to offer a place to support and encourage spouses of veterans who suffer with PTSD. You are not alone. We are all going through various situations and some of us have been there before.
Some things to know about me: I am a Christian. My relationship with Christ has sustained me and allowed me to stand when I have been at my lowest point in dealing with my husband's illnesses. I homeschool my children. Oh, I have a tendency to be very "bossy" and direct, but whatever I say or tell someone is always, "Take it or leave it." My free advice is only a suggestion because I do not have all the answers, nor do I see everything as clearly as some.
Please feel free to comment and leave your e-mail address if you would like me to respond to you. I will try to update this blog frequently. Some days will be joyful, somedays tearful--This is the way life goes at times.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has redefined normalcy for my family. The fact is, we don't even remember what "normal" is supposed to feel or look like. On any given day, our twin boys are working hard to try to do their best to please their daddy. They rarely earn a smile or a word of praise. Often they will hear how they could have worked more efficiently or done something differently--only to them the words are not constructive. The words are cutting and often yelled in harsh tones. Needless to say, my thirteen-year-olds are learning that this is the way to talk to people. (I'm beginning to believe they have developed Secondary PTSD.) It's very hard to teach my children "normal" social behaviors when they do not have true examples at home.
The purpose of this blog is not so I can vent and explain how terrible my life is--because it's not all terrible. The purpose of this blog is to offer a place to support and encourage spouses of veterans who suffer with PTSD. You are not alone. We are all going through various situations and some of us have been there before.
Some things to know about me: I am a Christian. My relationship with Christ has sustained me and allowed me to stand when I have been at my lowest point in dealing with my husband's illnesses. I homeschool my children. Oh, I have a tendency to be very "bossy" and direct, but whatever I say or tell someone is always, "Take it or leave it." My free advice is only a suggestion because I do not have all the answers, nor do I see everything as clearly as some.
Please feel free to comment and leave your e-mail address if you would like me to respond to you. I will try to update this blog frequently. Some days will be joyful, somedays tearful--This is the way life goes at times.
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