The stigma of PTSD lives on. My family has learned not to disclose too much information to people because once they hear PTSD, they treat you differently. Our kids are finally able to make some friends, and hopefully the friendships will last.
We have moved several times, and each time we've moved someone always asks, "What's wrong with him?" First of all, there are too many disabling conditions to list and secondly, it's none of their business. So the reply has been, "He's not doing well," and then maybe we'll add just enough information about the visible physical ailments to quench their curiosity.
Then there are the questions from the family--they believe it's all in his head. You know, the "Man Up," or "Shake it off!" comments--these get to be annoying. Just because PTSD is not a disease you can see does not mean that it's not real and doesn't exist. Believe me, I've tried the denial route, and it didn't last long at all. PTSD is reality in our lives.
Okay, I just needed to vent for a moment. I'm done now and heading back to bed.
Pleasant Dreams,
the PTSD Widow
Monday, January 31, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
I'm over it
Okay, now that some time has gone by, I'm okay with my husband's family having the wrong information and my secret being spilled. It's a done deal, and I'm over it now. Besides it takes too much energy to remain upset over stupid stuff.
The sun is shining today, and it feels like it's going to be a great day! I love how energetic I feel when the sun is out. I think I'll actually leave the house and find something to do. I do have some school work to finish and other household chores, maybe I will work on those for awhile. I actually feel good today! The little aches are nothing compared to the big ones I've had in the past.
Blessings to you all,
the PTSD Widow
The sun is shining today, and it feels like it's going to be a great day! I love how energetic I feel when the sun is out. I think I'll actually leave the house and find something to do. I do have some school work to finish and other household chores, maybe I will work on those for awhile. I actually feel good today! The little aches are nothing compared to the big ones I've had in the past.
Blessings to you all,
the PTSD Widow
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Why is it?
Dear hubby told people in his family something I didn't want made public knowledge and now they not only have the wrong information, they want details. I'm truly upset. I didn't even tell my family what was going on. Guess privacy only matters when it's his secret.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Ungracious
Have you ever had your heart set on something and then been disappointed because it didn't turn out the way you had envisioned? That happened to me last week.
I went to church fully expecting to listen to another dynamic sermon by my pastor to give me a boost for the New Year. To my shock, dismay, horror, and whatever else...he didn't preach! He introduced another pastor. I stopped listening with my heart right then and there. Afterall, what could the inexperienced and very verbose man at the pulpit have to say to me? I took notes on his presentation, but I was just waiting for him to make a mistake. I wrote down things like, "The new word of the the week is 'clearly' rather than 'pragmatic' or 'caveat.' No $10 words this week."
I guess I got tired of nitpicking, so I started to record the positive things he did. "Restated introduction in first conclusion." "Uh-oh! He told us how we were going to pray." I believe I got up and walked out at that point. To begin with, my attitude was rotten! Secondly, nobody is going to tell me how I have to pray. Thirdly, I was tired of nitpicking.
When I went back and read my 'notes,' I realized how very ungracious I had acted. I had to repent for my rotten attitude and toss the critique in the trash. I can only remember the first sermon I sat through in 2011 was about resolutions and Judaism. (I think I wrote something negative about the topic in my 'notes.') I was ungracious. I didn't give the speaker a chance, nor did I let Almighty God intervene and do something divine in my heart that day. I'm sure my attitude blocked any inspiration that would have resulted from actually hearing what was said last Sunday.
In a way, PTSD is this way. It feels like my husband doesn't hear what I say. It feels like his 'rotten attitude' blocks any inspiration that could potentially come from actually hearing what I have to say. Sometimes I feel like he only hears what he wants to hear and begins forming his retort long before I actually finish my thought. I feel like he's constantly critiquing me.
It was good for me to realize what an ungracious attitude looks like so I can be aware the next time it threatens me. I no longer have to allow myself to surrender to such an attitude and miss out on a blessing. I can actually practice being gracious.
Many Blessings,
the PTSD Widow
I went to church fully expecting to listen to another dynamic sermon by my pastor to give me a boost for the New Year. To my shock, dismay, horror, and whatever else...he didn't preach! He introduced another pastor. I stopped listening with my heart right then and there. Afterall, what could the inexperienced and very verbose man at the pulpit have to say to me? I took notes on his presentation, but I was just waiting for him to make a mistake. I wrote down things like, "The new word of the the week is 'clearly' rather than 'pragmatic' or 'caveat.' No $10 words this week."
I guess I got tired of nitpicking, so I started to record the positive things he did. "Restated introduction in first conclusion." "Uh-oh! He told us how we were going to pray." I believe I got up and walked out at that point. To begin with, my attitude was rotten! Secondly, nobody is going to tell me how I have to pray. Thirdly, I was tired of nitpicking.
When I went back and read my 'notes,' I realized how very ungracious I had acted. I had to repent for my rotten attitude and toss the critique in the trash. I can only remember the first sermon I sat through in 2011 was about resolutions and Judaism. (I think I wrote something negative about the topic in my 'notes.') I was ungracious. I didn't give the speaker a chance, nor did I let Almighty God intervene and do something divine in my heart that day. I'm sure my attitude blocked any inspiration that would have resulted from actually hearing what was said last Sunday.
In a way, PTSD is this way. It feels like my husband doesn't hear what I say. It feels like his 'rotten attitude' blocks any inspiration that could potentially come from actually hearing what I have to say. Sometimes I feel like he only hears what he wants to hear and begins forming his retort long before I actually finish my thought. I feel like he's constantly critiquing me.
It was good for me to realize what an ungracious attitude looks like so I can be aware the next time it threatens me. I no longer have to allow myself to surrender to such an attitude and miss out on a blessing. I can actually practice being gracious.
Many Blessings,
the PTSD Widow
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