The boys celebrated 15 years on Saturday, and today they both got their driving permits. Where has the time gone? I know, I know. Everyone asks that question when significant life events happen. Tomorrow, they will begin Driver's Ed classes. I can't even believe it.
This weekend has been extremely hard for my husband. We had 11 people at the house because my dad and my sister came up with the family to visit. I had a good time, but my husband was a nervous wreck. He doesn't like all the extras around because he doesn't feel like he has a safe place to which he can run.
Saturday was really fun because I took the girls shopping and then to lunch, and then we made spaghetti to feed everyone. My stove about blew up, but my dad is great at fixing things. He fixed it--no problem. The boys had an airsoft war at a local park and invited their friends to join them. It was an overall really good day. And then, Sunday--Super Bowl party in my living room.
It will take a few days for my husband to recover from the sensory overload and all the extra people. He'll probably sleep a lot. I hope he doesn't blow up and yell. I get so sick of that!
Blessings to you all,
PTSD Widow
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I just found your blog. I saw an article in the local base paper about PTSD and it had your website in the article.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how long you have been a PTSD widow, but I feel it's been nearly 30 years for me. I've been married 3 times. Husband #2 & #3 both have PTSD (and other issues).
I'm really, really tired. Period. My current husband of 10 years is retired from the Air Force and a Vietnam Veteran. He has his own company and seems to function well most of the time. He has meds that he takes to keep his symptoms down. Early on in our marriage, he hit me in his sleep a few times. He signed up for outpatient counseling and the behavior stopped. We sleep with one of those long body pillows between us just in case of nightmares, though.
There have been many times I have felt that he uses his condition as an excuse. I don't understand how he can watch horror movies and not war movies. He has terrible night sweats, so I have to change the bedding almost daily. His symptoms are not as severe as my last husband's. Husband #2 was a helicopter pilot who flew srach and destroy missions. He would fly over and take out entire villages in Vietnam. Men, women and children. He didn't show any symptoms until his retirement. Bypass surgery must have disturbed the sleeping tiger because it was hell on earth after that. I had to leave him. He exhibited very dangerous behavior which led to increased drinking which led to drugs which led to molesting my 16 year old daughter. She has never forgiven me for not leaving him sooner.
We are the caregivers and I think its harder on us sometimes. All I can say is that one day you may have to make the decision to leave to save your boys and yourself. Saving a drowning man might include using your dead body to float back to shore. Don't let that happen to you and your children. They need you too.
Thank you so much for your blog. God bless you.
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to be the caregiver,and I admire you for sticking by your man who suffers from PTSD. It is difficult to enjoy the calm before the storm when you know that any minor trigger will potentially result in verbal abuse or other heartache. Admittedly, (and I have shared this with my husband) there are times when I want to leave. You know the times; you've been there too. Sometimes I feel like I'm spent--
The reason I stay is because I said I would. When I spoke my wedding vows, I distinctly remember vowing to stay with him through good times and bad, through sickness and in health. Unfortunately the health part is long gone and we're now in the sickness stage. This is my life, and I choose to remain faithful.
Thank you for the reminder of God's blessing. He continues to bless me. My faith grows stronger and stronger, and I do love my husband. It hurts that I cannot do more to alleviate his suffering. Thankfully, my husband is not violent and does not abuse alcohol. He is just very verbal and loud.
I will pray for continued strength for you, dear Anonymous. I'll also pray that your relationship with your daughter is restored fully.
Blessings to you,
the PTSD Widow