Up Too Early

Good Morning! At least I think it's going to be a good morning. It's only 2:45 a.m. and I can't sleep, so it might as well be a good morning. The moon is full in the night sky and the light woke me up from a troubled sleep anyhow. This weekend is going to be busy.

One of my boys went to a nearby Indian reservation to work with the church's youth group at cleaning up the area. The other boy wasn't interested in being away from home this weekend. He'd rather practice his driving and hang out with his friend.

I would like to be able to sleep tonight, but I'm having trouble. For once, my husband is sleeping soundly. I chose to let him sleep since he rarely sleeps at night. The last couple of days has been relatively quiet in our home. I have a hard time with the "quiet before the storm" because I wonder how long it will last and if it's all just about to blow.

Many episodes of PTSD behaviors have conditioned me to be cautious and on my guard. Additionally, I spoke with a reporter and received her article in an e-mail this week. I don't want my husband to read the article because, although she wrote truthfully, she compiled all the tough stuff. I guess I didn't realize the severity of my husband's case, and I don't want that article to be a trigger.

As a result of the article, I've been asked if I'd like to write for another website. I'm seriously considering that possibility, but I'm working on a doctorate and I don't know how much time I'd have to commit. Time is such a precious commodity these days.

I think I'll try to get some more sleep. Between writing this post, playing "Angry Birds" and listening to my ipod, I think I'm ready to go back to sleep.

Blessings to you all,
the PTSD Widow