The stigma of PTSD lives on. My family has learned not to disclose too much information to people because once they hear PTSD, they treat you differently. Our kids are finally able to make some friends, and hopefully the friendships will last.
We have moved several times, and each time we've moved someone always asks, "What's wrong with him?" First of all, there are too many disabling conditions to list and secondly, it's none of their business. So the reply has been, "He's not doing well," and then maybe we'll add just enough information about the visible physical ailments to quench their curiosity.
Then there are the questions from the family--they believe it's all in his head. You know, the "Man Up," or "Shake it off!" comments--these get to be annoying. Just because PTSD is not a disease you can see does not mean that it's not real and doesn't exist. Believe me, I've tried the denial route, and it didn't last long at all. PTSD is reality in our lives.
Okay, I just needed to vent for a moment. I'm done now and heading back to bed.
Pleasant Dreams,
the PTSD Widow
Monday, January 31, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
I'm over it
Okay, now that some time has gone by, I'm okay with my husband's family having the wrong information and my secret being spilled. It's a done deal, and I'm over it now. Besides it takes too much energy to remain upset over stupid stuff.
The sun is shining today, and it feels like it's going to be a great day! I love how energetic I feel when the sun is out. I think I'll actually leave the house and find something to do. I do have some school work to finish and other household chores, maybe I will work on those for awhile. I actually feel good today! The little aches are nothing compared to the big ones I've had in the past.
Blessings to you all,
the PTSD Widow
The sun is shining today, and it feels like it's going to be a great day! I love how energetic I feel when the sun is out. I think I'll actually leave the house and find something to do. I do have some school work to finish and other household chores, maybe I will work on those for awhile. I actually feel good today! The little aches are nothing compared to the big ones I've had in the past.
Blessings to you all,
the PTSD Widow
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Why is it?
Dear hubby told people in his family something I didn't want made public knowledge and now they not only have the wrong information, they want details. I'm truly upset. I didn't even tell my family what was going on. Guess privacy only matters when it's his secret.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Ungracious
Have you ever had your heart set on something and then been disappointed because it didn't turn out the way you had envisioned? That happened to me last week.
I went to church fully expecting to listen to another dynamic sermon by my pastor to give me a boost for the New Year. To my shock, dismay, horror, and whatever else...he didn't preach! He introduced another pastor. I stopped listening with my heart right then and there. Afterall, what could the inexperienced and very verbose man at the pulpit have to say to me? I took notes on his presentation, but I was just waiting for him to make a mistake. I wrote down things like, "The new word of the the week is 'clearly' rather than 'pragmatic' or 'caveat.' No $10 words this week."
I guess I got tired of nitpicking, so I started to record the positive things he did. "Restated introduction in first conclusion." "Uh-oh! He told us how we were going to pray." I believe I got up and walked out at that point. To begin with, my attitude was rotten! Secondly, nobody is going to tell me how I have to pray. Thirdly, I was tired of nitpicking.
When I went back and read my 'notes,' I realized how very ungracious I had acted. I had to repent for my rotten attitude and toss the critique in the trash. I can only remember the first sermon I sat through in 2011 was about resolutions and Judaism. (I think I wrote something negative about the topic in my 'notes.') I was ungracious. I didn't give the speaker a chance, nor did I let Almighty God intervene and do something divine in my heart that day. I'm sure my attitude blocked any inspiration that would have resulted from actually hearing what was said last Sunday.
In a way, PTSD is this way. It feels like my husband doesn't hear what I say. It feels like his 'rotten attitude' blocks any inspiration that could potentially come from actually hearing what I have to say. Sometimes I feel like he only hears what he wants to hear and begins forming his retort long before I actually finish my thought. I feel like he's constantly critiquing me.
It was good for me to realize what an ungracious attitude looks like so I can be aware the next time it threatens me. I no longer have to allow myself to surrender to such an attitude and miss out on a blessing. I can actually practice being gracious.
Many Blessings,
the PTSD Widow
I went to church fully expecting to listen to another dynamic sermon by my pastor to give me a boost for the New Year. To my shock, dismay, horror, and whatever else...he didn't preach! He introduced another pastor. I stopped listening with my heart right then and there. Afterall, what could the inexperienced and very verbose man at the pulpit have to say to me? I took notes on his presentation, but I was just waiting for him to make a mistake. I wrote down things like, "The new word of the the week is 'clearly' rather than 'pragmatic' or 'caveat.' No $10 words this week."
I guess I got tired of nitpicking, so I started to record the positive things he did. "Restated introduction in first conclusion." "Uh-oh! He told us how we were going to pray." I believe I got up and walked out at that point. To begin with, my attitude was rotten! Secondly, nobody is going to tell me how I have to pray. Thirdly, I was tired of nitpicking.
When I went back and read my 'notes,' I realized how very ungracious I had acted. I had to repent for my rotten attitude and toss the critique in the trash. I can only remember the first sermon I sat through in 2011 was about resolutions and Judaism. (I think I wrote something negative about the topic in my 'notes.') I was ungracious. I didn't give the speaker a chance, nor did I let Almighty God intervene and do something divine in my heart that day. I'm sure my attitude blocked any inspiration that would have resulted from actually hearing what was said last Sunday.
In a way, PTSD is this way. It feels like my husband doesn't hear what I say. It feels like his 'rotten attitude' blocks any inspiration that could potentially come from actually hearing what I have to say. Sometimes I feel like he only hears what he wants to hear and begins forming his retort long before I actually finish my thought. I feel like he's constantly critiquing me.
It was good for me to realize what an ungracious attitude looks like so I can be aware the next time it threatens me. I no longer have to allow myself to surrender to such an attitude and miss out on a blessing. I can actually practice being gracious.
Many Blessings,
the PTSD Widow
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Home Again, Home Again...
My husband drove in freezing fog and icy roads to get us home yesterday. The boys and I slept. I think I was awake for twenty minutes of the entire drive. The fog, snow, ice, and whatnot hurt my eyes so I closed them.
It was interesting how within less than five minutes, my husband was back to his yelling and lecturing the boys. That kind of put a damper on the celebration of getting home safely and preparing the house for a party. Thankfully, he went to sleep and just let us work. It gets really bad listening to his constant criticism. I don't even think he realizes he sounds mean.
I can't believe how this year has just flown by! (I always hated to hear grown ups say this when I was younger.) It seems like January 1st was only a couple of weeks ago, and here it is less than two weeks away! I've been thinking about my new resolution--really giving it some thought. So far I've come up with the biggest resolution of my life, and I've started the process already. Other than that, I won't give away too much information. Most resolutions are relatively pointless. They are short-lived intentions.
Today, I've got to do some grocery shopping, last-minute Christmas shopping, and I'm going to the Nutcracker Ballet with a good friend. I'm so glad we're home!! I didn't realize I was homesick.
Christmas Blessings!!
the PTSD Widow
It was interesting how within less than five minutes, my husband was back to his yelling and lecturing the boys. That kind of put a damper on the celebration of getting home safely and preparing the house for a party. Thankfully, he went to sleep and just let us work. It gets really bad listening to his constant criticism. I don't even think he realizes he sounds mean.
I can't believe how this year has just flown by! (I always hated to hear grown ups say this when I was younger.) It seems like January 1st was only a couple of weeks ago, and here it is less than two weeks away! I've been thinking about my new resolution--really giving it some thought. So far I've come up with the biggest resolution of my life, and I've started the process already. Other than that, I won't give away too much information. Most resolutions are relatively pointless. They are short-lived intentions.
Today, I've got to do some grocery shopping, last-minute Christmas shopping, and I'm going to the Nutcracker Ballet with a good friend. I'm so glad we're home!! I didn't realize I was homesick.
Christmas Blessings!!
the PTSD Widow
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Apples of Gold
"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver." Proverbs 25:11
How beautiful to consider our words in this way! I must remember to be more careful with my words so that I don't exacerbate the damage of the unspoken words people hear through other people's actions.
Yesterday was spent finalizing a paper for the completion of my first class on my way to a new professional title. After that, we left for an out-of-town wedding over two mountain passes. My adopted sister is getting married today.
I pray that she and her new husband will consider the words they speak this morning in their wedding vows as treasured jewels to be reconsidered and held onto for the rest of their lives. My adopted sister is very young and will enter this marriage as the newest member of their family--he's got two girls. She will have to quickly learn the power of her words as she takes on the task of raising these girls right at a crucial point in their development.
Enough about the adopted sister!
This morning I woke up to snow and howling winds! It's supposed to snow up to 6 inches today. That scares me, because I really want to get home soon. I wasn't planning on staying here that long. Encountering the snow was the risk we took in order to come to the wedding. I hope I brought enough clothes!
I'd better get ready for the day.
Blessings to you all,
the PTSD Widow
How beautiful to consider our words in this way! I must remember to be more careful with my words so that I don't exacerbate the damage of the unspoken words people hear through other people's actions.
Yesterday was spent finalizing a paper for the completion of my first class on my way to a new professional title. After that, we left for an out-of-town wedding over two mountain passes. My adopted sister is getting married today.
I pray that she and her new husband will consider the words they speak this morning in their wedding vows as treasured jewels to be reconsidered and held onto for the rest of their lives. My adopted sister is very young and will enter this marriage as the newest member of their family--he's got two girls. She will have to quickly learn the power of her words as she takes on the task of raising these girls right at a crucial point in their development.
Enough about the adopted sister!
This morning I woke up to snow and howling winds! It's supposed to snow up to 6 inches today. That scares me, because I really want to get home soon. I wasn't planning on staying here that long. Encountering the snow was the risk we took in order to come to the wedding. I hope I brought enough clothes!
I'd better get ready for the day.
Blessings to you all,
the PTSD Widow
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
A New Day
"This is the day the LORD has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it." The last time I wrote, I was clearly upset. Truly there wasn't a good reason for me to post my woes on here. Please forgive me.
There was a terrible storm that woke me up in the middle of the night. I thought we were going to lose a tree, our roof, and much more! Thankfully, we stayed dry and warm and the storm moved on. This morning there are lots of downed trees, people are without power, there are roads closed due to water over the roadways and damaged roads, and people are wanting to get to work. It's amazing how much damage a storm can cause.
Emotional storms interrupt our life constantly. We never know when something said or a noise will trigger an outburst. PTSD does not care that we've had a great day so far--it will just blow in like a storm, wreak havoc, and leave. It's tough!
The sad part of PTSD is that we don't know the havoc and damage it causes our children. We must pray for them constantly. God is able to protect their hearts and minds from the damage of PTSD, and He is able to use our children mightily for His purpose.
Blessings,
the PTSD Widow
There was a terrible storm that woke me up in the middle of the night. I thought we were going to lose a tree, our roof, and much more! Thankfully, we stayed dry and warm and the storm moved on. This morning there are lots of downed trees, people are without power, there are roads closed due to water over the roadways and damaged roads, and people are wanting to get to work. It's amazing how much damage a storm can cause.
Emotional storms interrupt our life constantly. We never know when something said or a noise will trigger an outburst. PTSD does not care that we've had a great day so far--it will just blow in like a storm, wreak havoc, and leave. It's tough!
The sad part of PTSD is that we don't know the havoc and damage it causes our children. We must pray for them constantly. God is able to protect their hearts and minds from the damage of PTSD, and He is able to use our children mightily for His purpose.
Blessings,
the PTSD Widow
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)