Love the Unlovable

Yesterday was difficult for me. I came home from church and immediately the yelling begins. I could do nothing right yesterday. It was a rather quiet day on my part--I tried to keep my thoughts to myself and walk on eggshells. Some days I don't know how I can keep this up--some days I want out so badly.

Today will be better. My husband has some testing at the local VA hospital this morning and we'll soon find out if there is another diagnosis to add to his long list of service-related disabling conditions. I'm not sure how a diagnosis will change things, or even if it will--but I will choose to worry about that later.

My devotional this morning was about loving the unlovable and loving as God loves. This used to be so easy for me, but as I've grown older my heart has toughened. I don't want a tough heart. I want to be able to love again like I used to. Guess I need to get up and do something to show my love for my husband rather than just sticking around and taking his verbal abuse.

So, what will that look like for me? I've decided I need to get rid of junk in my house. I have way too much stuff. Everything that does not work, I need to throw away. The stuff I don't use, I need to give to Goodwill. I just need to clean house. I think that will do us all a world of good. It will show my family that I love them enough to take care of the house that God has gifted us with, and it will show them that I love them enough to keep their space clean.

I'm not pious enough to think that I'm unlovable at times. My attitude gets just as bad, and I start grumping about things too. In addition to cleaning my house, I need to clean out my heart. I'm purposing to become more lovable. I'm going to work on myself throughout this project of loving the unlovable. I've got to start believing that I'm worth loving too. I'll do this by loving and serving my family.

God loves me, so I must be worth something!! You are too.

Blessings,
the PTSD Widow