Security

Do you remember when you were invincible? For me that would have been when I was 22, newlywed, and new to the lifestyle of a military bride. Nothing could have prepared me for the future because I was living it. I was so happy! I had a good-looking husband, a steady paycheck, and hardly any bills. I had a bunch of wives who lived around me in a similar situation, and I had my freedom. I was living.

Nothing could have prepared my for the future--a life of living paycheck to paycheck, a diagnosis of PTSD that would alter what normal looked like, and not only the diagnosis, but also the characteristics and drama of the anxiety disorder. I had no idea that I would face depression and deal with issues that should have only been in the movies. I didn't know that there would be sleepless nights and nights when I'd wake up with my husband about ready to hit me because he'd had a nightmare and was still actively involved in that nightmare. I had no clue that I would have to learn how to talk him down from his anxiety episodes and sometimes be unsuccessful in my attempts to do so. I didn't know.

This may sound horrible and difficult, and I'm not going to lie--it is. However, Through it all I've learned from where my source of strength comes. You see, I had to learn that my security is not in any of my possessions. It's not in my house, my car, my husband, or my boys. My strength is not from my friends, a paycheck or the Army. It cannot come from anything I am able to do or accomplish--because I will ultimately fail. My source of strength and my security is in the Lord, or I am not very secure at all.

We lost everyTHING when my husband was medically retired from the Army. Our income went from comfortable to less than half of that. I went back to school and we were rather forced into bankruptcy. I lost my husband whenever he faced his trauma--the one that he relives on a continual basis. My children are growing up--and my friends have moved away. BUT my God has never failed. He has never left me. He has been my only security through it all. He will continue to prove faithful even when I am lacking. God is my source of strength.

Blessings to you all,
the PTSD Widow