Normal

Yesterday I learned that I'm normal (whatever that means). I also learned that secondary PTSD is not an official diagnosis--you either have PTSD or you don't. Here's how it was explained to me--it's like secondhand smoke and cancer. You've got cancer from secondhand smoke, you don't have secondhand cancer. Does that make sense? Needless to say, it was a rather interesting conversation.

My husband slept most of the day away and had another bad evening last night. He stayed in the computer room all evening playing games and listening to the bird scream. He was really distant from the rest of us. When he gets like that, it's hard to enjoy ourselves because we feel a little guilty. He was anxious too! I know what set him off, but it's not right to write about it in this blog. I just pray that he gets better with each day that goes by.

I had wanted to put up the Christmas tree, but the boys and I couldn't decide where to put it. It goes up today for sure! Since I'm normal, I want to get into the Christmas spirit. I'll be honest here--I still have some Christmas decorations up from three Christmases ago. I want to bake and create and listen to Christmas music and get into the whole season of "busy"ness, and I haven't done that.

This year has been one that will go down in my history books as the year of something else! I don't think I've been the same person since I nearly died last spring and lost my job for it. I'm finally feeling better about myself and it's the end of the year already! I can't say that I've done anything significant with my life this year--that's sad. I'd better get a move on because I only have one life, and I want to make it count. I may as well since I'm normal.

Blessings to all,

the PTSD Widow